haiz.. im like.. damn confused.. i dunno y.. cant help it..

its like.. suddnly all my thoughts are squishing together? like.. friends school choir erm and every other stuff?

im serious.. i cannot take it anymore..

last night i started to think abt everythin that is happening.. and i thought of sum stuff..

its like.. suddenly i get this feeling which im not suppose to feel but still feel it.. i dunno how come i suddenly feel lidat.. the feeling is so different from last time..dun know what changed it.. i got a feeling its me.. i juz cannot take this feeling.. all the problem lies in me..

am i too paranoid? or is it im juz too insecure? or i cant adapt to having this feeling? i dun get it..

is history gonna repeat itself? im scared.. i mean.. not scared cuz its gonna repeat.. but.. scared cuz maybe i want it to repeat.. i dunno why.. this is what's confusing me.. frm primary school.. i have never accepted sumone.. in my life.. i cannot take the feeling? for example.. i wan sumone to actually like me.. but once it happens.. i feel damn wierd.. i dunno y.. i cannot take that feeling.. like it relly juz turns me off..? but den once that person is gone.. i will start to miss him and stuff.. but once we talk.. urgh... that feeling comes again.. y? izzit cuz i cannot accept the fact that another person likes me? or izzit cuz i cannot believe that a guy will actually like me for who i am? and actually convinced myself that i will never be loved and got used to the feeling of flying solo? i dunno.. the feeling is damn wierd.. i dun like the feeling of having people bothering me.. its damn fucking irritating..

my cousins even doubt me.. they said [[ how come we can have stead u cant find one? given ur looks u shuld still be able to find a guy?!?! look at us?!?! we found one.. how come u dun have?? ]] i told them [[ i dunno.. sumtimes i relly prefer flying solo.. ]] and my cousins are GUYS imagine that.. i cannot take this anymore..

i wanna cry..

im going bonkers.. i cannot take it anymore.. its irritating me.. im crying now as im typing.. cant take it.. my mom is irritating the fucking shit out of me.. shit la.. kao.. she saw me crying le.. damit.. sure shes gonna ask me wad happen.. ass..

manDa-
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